Then I turned it into wisdom, which I’m about to share with you, my lucky reader.
I’m back to this blog, hopefully in a more consistant fashion – I’ve been doing work around unshaming with Simone Grace Seoul and yes. Yolo. Fuck that. Here I am, gloriously human and messy and still valid. So I won’t be apologising for a long absence, more like saying welcome back. I’m happy you’re here.
So, on the day of my solar return this year (I turned 27 – time for my 1st nodal opposition, yay) I was at my mothers house. She asked me to have a look in a box of various documents and mementoes I’d been storing at hers since I moved out in 2013, and to have a sort out to see if there was anything I wanted keeping. I found a document from her hospital discharge after my birth. 14:52 ?? “But, Mum, I’m 15:15….” My voice trailed off as I realised that that was probably the time it took for her to come round and notice something as mundane as time again after having given birth to her first born.
My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, there was no spaghetti but I clasped at my phone, pulling up my birth chart on Astro-Seek (the all time best, don’t argue with me on this one), desperately wondering how much of a difference 20 odd minutes could make.
Not a huge amount, it turns out, be enough to be significant – that’s astrology for you. 20 minutes takes my ascedant from the initial thought to be 22 degrees of Sagittarius to 17 degrees. This then changes the rest of my houses (in Placidus, again, don’t fight me). Interestingly, this also makes my ascendant at exactly the same degree as my Sag rising brother, who looks like the male version of me, to the point where he just looks like me with facial hair. Before he hit puberty and we were the same hight / had the same amount of mustache, we used to tell people we were twins we look so similar.
But this places my Virgo sun in my 9th house, rather than being at the end of my 8th. This is where the existential crisis comes in. You see, since I first started studying astrology 6 years ago, a large part of my personality had been based around being an 8th house sun. The 8th house is ruled by Scorpio, in turn ruled by Pluto ; keywords : death, rebirth, sex, black, witches, transformation, inheritance, phoenix moments, goths, powerfull darkness. Very fucking cool. Your Sun in astrology is who you are publicly, what you’re all about around other people. This made perfect sense to me ; I started studying astrology at the same time I started my personnal psychological healing journey to overcome (c)ptsd and for the last 6 years, this was my calling card. Who are you ? I’m Daisy, I’m doing EMDR. I’m healing. I’m morning routining and getting sober. I’m studying child psychology at uni and acknowledging my trauma. When I got into Tarot and Witchcraft in 2020, again, this justified it ; I’m an 8th house sun.
But life, and astrology, is just cycles. Cycles in cycles on top of other cyles. That cycle has been coming to an end since my 26th birthday when I moved across France for a radically different life (see previous blog posts). And life, and astrology, have a way of being about what you need, not what you want.
When I was in the middle of my existential meltdown about being a 9th house sun as it turns out, my partner had some perspective on it that helped : “You were an 8th house sun for as long as you needed to be. It enabled you to focus on those topics, now it’s time to focus on something else. This is a new cycle, time to embrace it.”
The 9th house is ruled by Sagittarius, in turn ruled by Jupiter – my chart ruler. It’s the house of travel – physical, mental and spiritual. Studies, spirituality and foreign cultures. It’s about experiencing and sharing through teaching. Since setting up my own buisiness as an astrologer and coach in 2022, this is what I’m about these days. My ptsd no longer qualifies as “active” since 2021. I’ve moved through the 8th house. But the resistance was there, to this new nuance of my identity ; my control-freak Virgo sun was a lot more comfortable being in the house of Scorpio – fixed sign, anal-retentive extraordinaire. My Virgo placements are offended by Sagittarius’s very existence. Their loudness, their lack of inhibition, their freedom. You want to have a closer look at your chart through the lens of the signs you “can’t stand”. Why is that ? What about that sign hits home a little too hard ? Where is it in your chart ? I need to acknowledge that I’m way more Sagittarius than my Virgo would like to admit ; way more messy, way more fluid, way more unreliable. Way more fun. Also explains why I’ve always rubbed my Capricorn sun, Scorpio moon + rising sister the wrong way with my general chaos.
So here I am, a 9th house sun. I didn’t find this out when I would have liked to, at the absolute start of my journey learning about my birth chart – I would have liked to know that from the start because we’re taught that going back and doing things again, differently, is bad. I’m unlearning that. I’m embracing my Educator archetype and embracing the ongoingness of my education.
I found this out when I needed to and when I was ready to.
Leave a Reply